


Hygiene

by maledictus_mortem



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:43:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2418917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maledictus_mortem/pseuds/maledictus_mortem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spy needed some sugar. Maybe Sniper has some.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ku ku ku

Learned a new ship. Here it is….

Characters are not mine. They are rightfully Valve’s. Any event that resembles any in real life is purely coincidental as this is a work of fiction.

~~~~~×~~~~~

Hygiene

~~~~~×~~~~~

"Mon dieu!"

Sniper woke up from his sleep, looking at the man at his door.

"G’morning to you too you bloody spook! What the hell are you doing here in my van this time of the day!?"

Spy frowns as he crosses his arms.

"Oui, bonjour à vous aussi monsieur Sniper. I was just going to borrow some sugar but it seems that I have changed my mind."

Sniper groans and gets up on his bed. “Don't have the audacity to knock? And what could have possibly made you change your mind, mate?”

Spy sneers at him. “Oh please. I've been knocking at your door for about five minutes. And look at this place! It seems that you live up to your name, you filthy bushman.”

Sniper stretches and stands. He goes over to his cupboard to get his tin of sugar.

"Here ya go you bloody wankah! Now get off my van! You're invading my privacy."

He throws the tin of sugar to Spy, who catches it and holds it in one hand, looking at it with disgust.

"It’s clean ya mongrel." He grunts at him.

"Merci, à plus tard." Spy says as he leaves, closing the door behind him.

"Bloody spook."

Sniper sits down and looks at his ‘home’. The pots and dishes were stacked on his sink. There were a pile of clothes on the corner. A few bottles of both empty and filled beers were scattered on the floor.

They’ve been so busy battling with the other team the whole week that Sniper never really had the time to clean up. He usually just went straight to bed whenever he got to his camper.

Sniper checks on his calendar and sees that today was his day off.

"Right. Let’s get cleaning!"

~~~~~×~~~~~

Spy knocked on his door several times and every time there was no answer.

'Is he not home?'

Spy thought of maybe just returning tomorrow when the door was finally opened. Sniper stood there, looking tired and worse for wear.

"What do ya want now wanker!?"

Spy frowns. “Bonsoir. Good evening, bushman. I just came to return your sugar.”

Sniper looks shocked. “It’s evening already?”

Spy raises his eyebrow. “As you can see, bushman, the sky’s dark and the stars are out.”

Sniper just grunts at him as he takes the tin of sugar. He goes into his van to return it in his cupboard. Spy didn't leave yet and just stood there, peeking in and wanting to see what Sniper had been up to. He was surprised at the cleanliness.

"You spent your day cleaning?"

"… Yeah. So what?"

"That is quite impressive."

They heard a rumbling sound and Sniper blushed.

"… You haven’t eaten?" Spy asks him, his eyebrow raised.

"Been to busy cleanin’. Haven’t really noticed."

Spy enters the camper and tells him to sit on his couch.

"You should rest bushman. I’ll prepare something."

Sniper, although surprised, lets Spy work. It was interesting to watch Spy cook. Spy was glad that Sniper had some vegetables on his mini-fridge. He blanched at the vegemite but was grateful that Sniper actually had enough ingredients to make a salad. He set to work, cleaning and chopping the vegetables. Later tossing it and adding some dressing.

"Here you go. Bon appetit!"

Spy hands the dish to Sniper and smiles. He goes over to the bed and sits there, watching him.

"Uh… thanks mate. Um... not gonna eat?"

Spy shook his head and brought out a cigarette. Sniper hands him an ashtray before he samples the dish. He smiles at it then finishes the meal with gusto. Once he finished, Spy took the used plate and sets to wash it.

"I could do that myself spook." Sniper says but Spy wouldn’t have any of it.

"You just rest. I think you deserve it." He says, matter-of-factly.

Sniper grunts but does what he was told.

"You know… you should clean more often. Our Medic would not approve of you having such a… lifestyle. Besides, what would your visitors think?"

Sniper frowns. "I don’t care what that doctor thinks. It's not like he actually cares about our health. Heck, the more often we get sick or injured the more fun for that crazy quack. And it’s not like I get much visitors anyway. We're in the middle of a bloody desert."

Spy raises an eyebrow.

"So if you have a visitor… You’ll clean?"

Sniper snorts. “And who the bloody hell would visit me?”

"Me, of course." Spy says, a smirk on his face.

"You better keep this place clean bushman. You’ll expect to get lots of visits from me from now on."

Before Sniper could protest Spy runs out the door, slamming it behind him. 

Sniper quickly stood up and opened the door. No longer able to see the spy who cloaked into the night. "Bloody spook!" Sniper curses out into the night, hearing Spy’s laughter at the distance.

~~~~~×~~~~~

To Be Continued.

~~~~~~×~~~~

Sorry….

The relationship will develop later. =w=

If there are mistakes or if my writing is horrible please inform me so I can fix.


	2. Visitor

Hearing a knock, Sniper set down his gun and opened the door.

"Here to borrow a cup of sugar?" He asked, frowning.

Spy smiled, "No, just visiting." Sniper doesn't budge, he just stood there, hand on the door frame. "Not going to invite me in? Why? Have you dirtied up your place again?" Spy says with a smirk, annoying Sniper.

"Fine, get in." Sniper grunts as he steps aside to let the other man enter.

"Oh, so you were cleaning up your gun I see." Spy remarks, looking at the rifle. "Perhaps I can lend some assistance?"

Sniper looks him over, thinking if he should take the offer. "You know how to sharpen knives?" He finally asks.

Spy almost laughed. "Of course I do. Knives are my main weapon." He brings out his butterfly knife and skillfully makes a display of bringing out the blade.

"That's not a real knife." Sniper remarks, rolling his eyes as he grabbed his kukri. "This is a knife!" He says proudly, holding it up high.

The other man rolls his eyes and puts away his blade, "Oh please! I know how many times you've been back stabbed by the enemy Spy."

Sniper frowns and hands him his kukri. "You can help by sharpening that." He grunts, going back to sit and clean his gun. Spy smiled, quite amused at how Sniper was easy to annoy. He had figured that Sniper would be a tolerating man as his job required much patience. He then takes the sharpening tools and sits beside Sniper.

Sniper suddenly backs away a bit, "What the- Why are you sitting next to me!?"

"What? Well, this is the only place to sit. Your van doesn't really have that much space you know." Spy simply replies, surprised at Sniper's sudden outburst. Well, the couch was small so he did sit quite closely to the other man.

"I'll go work over there." Sniper states, taking his tools and gun and heading to his bed. Spy just shrugged it off. The two of them silently worked, each focused at the task at hand. It was only when they were done did both men feel that they were hungry.

"Hey Spook."

"Yes, Bushman?"

"You hungry?"

"Famished."

"... I don't have anything in my fridge right now which I think you would like. Wanna drive over to the diner? I'll treat you as thanks for sharpening my knife."

Spy thought it over. He was hungry, yes. But he often preferred to prepare his own meals. Maybe he'll just turn down the offer and go back to the base to cook something.

"... Sure. Let's go to a diner."

Sniper looks at him, surprised.

"What?"

"Uh... Sorry. I just thought you wouldn't actually accept my offer. I mean, you seem to be the type who prefers to cook what they eat, you know?"

Spy raised an eyebrow at this. Quite interesting. "Well, yes. I am the type who prefer to cook what I eat. A man can never be too careful."

Sniper smiled a bit. "Yeah. Seems typical of you. Why, you afraid you'll get poisoned?"

"No, I just like to know what I put inside my body is all. How about you? I think you're the type who would eat just about anything. What with your vegemite and all/"

"Mate, don't go talking bad about my vegemite. They're actually good. And besides, I will eat anything so long as it's not poisonous. It's just survival. I'm beginning to think you're just paranoid. Big bad spook can't eat at no ordinary diner cause he's scared to eat that greasy burger."

Spy rolled his eyes at this. "Whatever. Let's get going already. You owe me lunch."

~~~~~x~~~~~

To Be Continued.

~~~~~x~~~~~


	3. Omelette du camouflage?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sniper owed Spy lunch. They go to a local diner where a certain teammate was actually working part-time.

It wasn't a long drive and soon Sniper and Spy had reached the diner. It seems Sniper was a regular because those inside the diner greeted him warmly. The lady behind the counter especially so.

"So what can I get for you two gents today?" The voluptuous lady asked once the two men had seated themselves at a table.

"The usual." Sniper replied, flashing a smile at the woman. "How about you, spook? Some omelette du fromage?"

Spy rolled his eyes and looked at the menu. "I'll go for the club sandwiches and some coffee as well."

The waitress, Margareth, wrote down their orders on her notepad. "I'll be right back huns." She said before handing the paper. She then served them their coffee before attending to the truckers who just arrived.

"You'll love their coffee." Sniper commented before taking a swig at his cup. Spy disregarded him and studied the cup before taking a sip then smiled. "See? I told you so." Sniper said with a smug smile on his face.

"Well, it's quite unexpected. The coffee has a nice strong taste to it. Hopefully the food will be as good as this." Spy remarked, taking a few more drinks of the cup. Their food arrived and Spy quite enjoyed the sandwich as well, much to Sniper's surprise.

Margareth came back with some pie. "On the house. So dears, how was the food?"

"The sandwich was great." Spy replied while Sniper said, "The steak was great but it tasted different."

The waitress smiled at their reply. "That's because we have a different chef today. Paulo was out sick. Luckily, there was a man looking for a job and he's a good cook at that. Wanna meet him?"

Before the two could answer, Margareth called out to the cook and out came... Soldier?

"Hey maggots!" Soldier belowed in his loud voice. "What are you two doing together?"

"You three know each other?"

Soldier looked at Margareth, "Yes! We three work together! But you did not hear that from me! You will have to beat the information out of me!"

Margareth chuckled and asked him to go back to the kitchen as there were more orders to fill. Soldier complied and marched back into the kitchen. Sniper then asked if he could talk to Margareth in private. The both of them went to the bathroom area and Spy was left alone for a while.

A few minutes later and one of the truckers, who appeared to be drunk, approached Spy.

"Hey man... You alone?" The drunk man asked.

"No. I have company."

"Well, your companion doesn't seem to be here... So you must be alone." The man said, placing a hand on Spy's back.

Spy rolled his eyes and asked for a refill for his coffee. He decided to ignore the drunkard. Spy however almost jumped when he felt the man grope his ass.

"You've got quite a nice one there. Wanna go back to my truck and have a shag?"

Spy, angered, was about to punch the man when he heard the drunk scream in pain and felt the hand disappear from his behind. There was Sniper, holding the trucker's hand in a painful position. "Don't go near him." Sniper growled at the trucker before releasing him. The trucker scrambled on the floor and ran out the door.

"You okay hun?" Margareth asked, concerned. Spy noticed that her uniform seemed a bit... ruffled. "I'm fine, thank you." Spy replied before turning to Sniper, "I could have handled myself, bushman."

Sniper brought up his arms as though in defense. "A thank you would have been fine. Sheesh. Let's go though. Thank you Margareth." Sniper said, placing some cash on the counter then pulling Spy towards the door.

"You will wrinkle my suit!" Spy exclaimed, trying to free himself. Only when they have reached the van did Sniper let go. "Sorry." He mumbled, looking for his keys. Spy decided to forget and went to the passenger's side.

"Well then... That was quite unexpected." Spy remarked on the drive back home. Sniper asked, "What was?"

"That some drunk would touch my ass."

Sniper smiled and Spy warned him not to laugh. "I didn't need your help, you know." Spy said again, relaxing into his seat. "But thank you anyway." he whispered.

"What?" Sniper asked, not really sure he heard the last part. But Spy was fast asleep on the chair.

To be continued.


End file.
